Regroup

So, last night, I posted a blog during a weak moment. I was embarrassed, disheartened and very sad. I felt it was important to share that moment because I know I'm not the only one that has those moments or feels that way after them. I don't want anyone to think that I have this dialed in or I don't struggle...because, I do struggle. This is hard and I have to work at it every day.

Today is a new day, I will try and treat it as such. Yesterday is the past,leave it there. I will make the most of today. I will focus on the good in this week.

I made some awesome food, my Sunday Sweet Potato Salad and quite possibly the Best Soup in The World.

I had a good run on Tuesday:



I did some Yoga this morning and during meditation I reflected on why I might have binged, then I decided to just let it go. Because the past is the past.

I read my horoscope this morning and I think it reflected the situation perfect!

Aries for 5/5/10

Not everyone knows that we make our own luck, but it's a fact that you count on every day. If some recent setback has brought you down, don't think of it as failure -- instead, see of it as a lesson to help aid your future success. What will you know to do for next time? Once you've figured it all out, you can go back and tweak your original formula. You're sure to like your results next time.

Tonight I am looking forward to a relatively "unplugged" night at home with the husband. Maybe I'll take the dog for a walk. Tomorrow I have the day off from work, a 4.5 mile run planned and then I might relax pool side for a bit. I feel like I need to just relax and I'm going pay attention to that feeling.

I hope everyone is having a good week!

A weak moment.

 

Sometimes we try our best and sometimes…NUTS!

Yes, I did finish off the entire container. I’m not proud of it, but I learned from it.

I learned that this doesn’t make my husband, my Mom or my dog love me any less. All of whom I spoke to in tears after my binge. I am not a Super Human. I will fall. The feeling of total fullness and bloat does not bring me the lulled satisfaction it once did. Sometimes I will make mistakes. I learned that I probably shouldn’t bring trigger foods into my home because they do just that. They trigger me to binge eat. I know this. I guess I just needed a reminder.

We all have bad days, nights or weeks. It happens, I know that. I just wanted to be honest with you about mine.  Weak moments can be just as important as great ones, we can learn a lot from them.

Have you had a weak moment recently? Did you learn anything from it?

The husband was not harmed in the making of this blog post. He was safely away from allergens at work.

Grumpy with a chance of Bitchy.

I'm not having a good week.

I'm up +2.1 lbs since Friday. Probably due in large part to Monday's binge.

I've eaten every single one of my Flex Points for the week and some of my activity points.

I'm grumpy with a chance of bitchy.

Work is stressing me out.

Life is stressing me out.

I didn't want to talk about this here, but I promised to share my triumphs and my frustrations. Well, I'm pretty frustrated.

We all have bad weeks. I know this. How come it's easier to cheer someone on during their bad week than keep yourself motivated and in good spirits during your own?

Let me try to find some positives.

I worked out this morning...and it's Wednesday. I went to the gym and did the Elliptical for 30 minutes. Take that, husband that falls asleep on the couch and ruins my Wednesday morning work out who incidentally did NOT sleep on the couch last night.

Even though I have eaten like a crazy possessed person I have logged everything. So my poor choices can be viewed for years to come.

I have made the meals according to my meal plan this week, even if none of them have knocked my socks off. This is helping put a dent in Operation Freezer.

I am more than halfway through the book I started over the weekend, My Sister's Keeper.

I have coffee.

That's all I got for today. I am totally blaming TOM. That f*cking f*cker.

What do you do when you are having an off day or week? How do you get out of the funk when all your usual tricks fail?

Another day in the life

 

Today I started and nearly finished all of my Christmas shopping. The most favorite gift I bought? I got our niece a Mrs.Potato Head! I’m pretty sure I only bought it because I want to play with it because I loved my Mr.Potato Head as a kid…but I still think she’ll like it!  

Well, I hope she does. :)

I started the morning with a pretty decent (for me) 3 mile run at 10:27 pace and some weights before breakfast. Since it’s my day off that was around 9. Then I had some oatmeal and got ready to head out shopping. I hit the Outlets first, lots of walking around outdoors in the cold and that’s when I realized…my breakfast wasn’t enough.

After the outlets I had to go to Wal-Mart and on my way there I would pass…Taco Bell. Taco Bell always used to be a binge fest for me. You haven’t seen anything until you’ve seen me polish off  6 tacos in under 30 minutes…wait, you don’t want to see that. I looked like a rabid animal. I was starving and I needed gas and this particular Taco Bell is attached to a gas station and I still had hours of shopping left to do and some of that shopping involved groceries. I can’t grocery shop hungry, it’s bad for the bank account.

I pump my gas and honestly question if I should have Taco Bell or if that’s going to send me into a binge frenzy. I decide I can handle it and I get 2 Double Decker Taco Supremes and a Diet Pepsi. I ate one in the Wal-Mart parking lot before going in to shop and then I had the other one when I got home as a snack. Now, I know you’re thinking this is no big deal…but to me it is. I could have easily gotten entirely too much food and eaten until I was sick. I would have before and not thought twice about it. This time I thought and I enjoyed and it was enough.

Now my Christmas tree has presents under it, my tummy is happy and satisfied and I successfully enjoyed something I thought I could never enjoy without gluttony. It was a good, although very cold, day.

Atonement.

Saturday night I embarrassed myself. I made myself sick. I binged, right in front of people. I stuffed myself to the gills with Halloween Candy, mini-tacos, chips and dip. As fast as I could shove it in my mouth I did. Granted, it wasn't the binge sessions of my past, but it was bad enough that I was sick to my stomach all night long and for a good part of Sunday. Sunday I went for a 2 mile training run and I could feel every piece of candy, every unhealthy choice I made with every step.

I thought about not writing today, letting the weekend just kind of disappear into a week I plan to fill with healthy choices but that would not be accountability. I need to get this weekend thing handled and fast. I am very angry at myself and my lack of willpower this weekend. I only have 3 and 1/2 weeks to get things in check.

In other news...I was a Bumble Bee for Halloween and my Husband was God's Gift to Women.



I did find that if I have a glass of water with my beer and I choose a hearty full flavored beer, I drink a lot less. I've been doing this when I drink lately and it helps me to drink slower and drink less. Pumpkin Beer is fantastic, by the way.



Ok, so that's my disappointing weekend recap. Sunday was an on-point good day and I plan continue such success for the rest of the week.

Here's to a new week, a new month and a new day!

I am just not having a good day.

I am just not having a good day. Today I am sad, I am angry and I am depressed. Honestly, I have felt this way for weeks, not just today and I can't seem to shake it.

However, feeling this way does not give me the right to eat whatever I want, stop exercising or give up trying to make myself feel better.

I will not drop anchor here. This will not be my undoing. I will not binge, it will not make me feel better. I will not stop caring about myself as I have in the past. I will not be sucked into the black hole of despair with an open ended ticket.

I must work on a plan to get myself out of this hell.