Wednesday, April 28, 2010

The Spouse.


I was going to share my recipe for spaghetti today or talk about my workout schedule some more. I am doing really well this week, so far, I was going to write about that too. However, some recent discussions I’ve read in blog posts got me started in another direction.

The Spouse. Mr. Unlikely Success Story. Mr. Tonyne (he hates when I call him that, so I like to :) ). Jeff.


God’s gift to women? I’m not so sure…but he is a good man and I love him very much. My husband has an esophageal condition known as Barrett’s Esophagus. On top of this condition he also has esophageal strictures and a severe nut allergy. The nut allergy, is manageable, however the other two make it very hard for my husband to eat. Basically anything he eats has to be liquid by the time he swallows it or he can get choked. So, if you imagine doing that yourself…it’s difficult and nearly impossible with some foods. Because of this condition, my husband is underweight. Going out for dinner is next to impossible for him and he eats very, very slowly. He feels uncomfortable eating around people because of it.


If that isn’t enough (and trust me, it is!), my husband might quite possibly be the pickiest eater alive. I can’t tell you the number of times I make a Green Monster, asparagus or any vegetable other than broccoli to hear him say behind me “That’s nasty.” Has he tried most of this stuff? Probably not, but this is who he is and I knew that when I married him.

My recent lifestyle change has made meals almost impossible for us to share. He eats a lot of processed food because it’s convenient and quick since it takes him so long to eat. I cook him chicken and dumplings occasionally, but for the most part we eat separately. We also work different schedules, he runs a bar at night, I run a maintenance department in the day.

the ballous

Our marriage is different that way. We are both very independent individuals. We love each other and try to make sure and put focus on the time we do have together, but when it comes to things like my races or successes, he’s not always around to share them with me. Most of the time, I’m alright with this…sometimes, I’m not. Do I feel jealous sometimes when I read about couples doing this together and fully supporting one another? Absolutely. I would never say Jeff is not supportive, because that’s not the case at all. He doesn’t flinch when I need new running shoes, a new healthy living gadget, cookbook, etc. He listens to me when I talk about a new recipe or training schedule.

Tree Trimming Party 132

He’s never visited this blog, he knows it exists of course, but how does a weight loss/healthy living/cooking blog interest him? I get it. Does it hurt sometimes? Yes. Do I want him at the finish line of my races. Yes. But I understand too. If I was limited and held back by a health condition, would I want to have someone’s health successes constantly in my face? Probably not. I feel bad sometimes because I am so excited about my new life and I talk about it incessantly, much to the chagrin of those around me I’m sure.

One of the points I wanted to make by putting myself out here so personally, which is really hard for me, is that the blogging community is such a fantastic source of support and encouragement for me. My friends and family are great as well, don’t get me wrong they listen to me drone on A LOT (Jeff included), but here I can talk about the changes I’ve made all I want. You can either choose to read about it or choose not to. I know that someone somewhere is waiting to hear my race recap or read my recipe from dinner last night. Not all of us have that super interested, living the same lifestyle spouse at home and that can be hard.

What it comes down to is we do this for ourselves, first and foremost. Yes we do it to be around longer for the people in our lives, but if you are making a lifestyle change you have to do it for YOURSELF. YOU are important and YOU are worth it.

Those of you out there that feel alone, like you don’t have a support system, you do. You have it right here. The Health & Wellness blogging community is made up of some of the kindest souls I’ve ever “met”. I am really happy to be a part of it.

I think that’s enough for today. I just want to tell you all again how much it means to me when you read and comment. I try to read and comment on as many blogs as possible because I know that the encouragement we get from our blogs or our online support system (whatever it might be) might be the only encouragement some of us get that day.

Tell me 1 thing the blogging community has given you, if you write a blog or not, just 1 thing.


Crystal on April 28, 2010 at 8:59 AM said...

honestly, i'd find it so extremely hard to be with a guy like that... i mean, my husband and i, our favorite past time is eating! BUT, for that reason, i envy you! it must be so easy to be on a diet because you don't have the added pressure of feeding someone else who likes to eat just as much as you... for example, last night my husband brought nachos to bed with him while we were watching the biggest loser... you know how tempting it was to eat with him!?!? sometimes, blessings truly come in the most unexpected packages...

one thing the blogging community has given me? a sense that i'm not alone... at first, when i started my journey, i felt so lonely... but now i know there are other people out there feeling the exact same way as me!

Tonyne @ Unlikely Success Story on April 28, 2010 at 9:58 AM said...

In response to the above comment - Do NOT envy me because it's easier for me to eat healthy. Trust me, I would gladly weigh 200lbs for the rest of my life if it meant my husband could eat normally. My husband loves Onion Rings (the kind you find in the chip aisle), chocolate chip cookies and cheeseburgers...all of which are regularly in the house. I choose not to eat them. My husband likes to eat, he just can't do so easily. I understand what you are saying and while it does make it easier to eat healthy just for one, I would much rather be able to enjoy food with him.

Erin on April 28, 2010 at 10:13 AM said...

I think the blogging community gives us that feeling of knowing we are not alone. We can always find someone out there that feels the same way or does the same thing we do. It's what we all strive for I think, to know we're not freaky weird and others are doing it too. Love your blog.

Tracy on April 28, 2010 at 10:56 AM said...

I totally understand your need for a place to be able to go on about your journey. Of course, you know how I feel about YOUR journey, it has inspired me to start and now to continue (even starting a new goal which I will reveal in a later blog). For me, I am like you, still excited I am accomplishing this, and yet my family and friends are getting tired of it. I posted my FB status the other about starting my second workout of the day and my husband commented "people are going to get sick of hearing about it, and you are starting to sound so pushy and smug." It hurt me. If he can misunderstand my joy and my intense desire to maybe inspire another just like you have done for me, then I really do need a safe place for people to listen understand and care, blogging gives me that.

Also, for me, blogging gives me an audience. I am a writer and I crave the audience. Writing gives me joy, having someone read it makes me soar. Blogging gives me that.

TJ on April 28, 2010 at 11:24 AM said...

The support of fellow bloggers is SO important to me and you totally have my support Tonyne! Thank you for opening up about your life to us- sounds like you have a few challenges there but a lot of love too! :)

Nicole @ Let Them Eat Lettuce on April 28, 2010 at 5:12 PM said...

Thanks so much for sharing. Happy to know someone else understands a little of what I am going through. It's so hard to want to make a decision for yourself when you know your spouse would never make that decision with you. I'm glad he is supportive to you, and mine is too, just in their own ways!

Fit Chick in the City on April 28, 2010 at 8:02 PM said...

My husband and I are pretty independent also. We don't eat the same foods that's for sure! The blogging world has done so much more for me than I ever imagined it would!

Jenn Barley | The KickStart Coach on May 4, 2010 at 11:23 AM said...

Tonye -- Thanks for sharing your thoughts -- I am a new reader of you blog -- and I appreciate your honesty. It sounds like you are making it work with your opposite schedules.

I know what you mean about feeling a bit disconnected on some of the things that are important to you -- my husband and I had very different schedules -- until lately -- he is now coming to work for my business --so now we will be 24 - 7.

Keep on posting!

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