So, the Tweet, Eat, Post tool is working great for me. It's something new and different and it's keeping me on track. As evidenced by the fact that I am down 1.6lbs...which is awesome because on Tuesday when I weighed, I was up 2lbs. I don't weight myself constantly. Just once on Monday or Tuesday to check and make sure I have no big shifts and then on officially weigh in Friday.

So, my current weight is 166.4lbs!



There's my little thing. I'm almost to my first goal! Of course, I've been almost to my first goal for awhile now, but still, it's exciting! It's been slow and steady. I started in January, but I know by doing it the way I have, making changes to the way I think about food and exercise is the right way and I know it will stay off. I have my set backs, we all do. I have my days where I do not want to be healthy. I don't care. But, the next day, I stand up, brush the oreo crumbs off my shirt and head to the gym. It's not the end of the world.

This is my life now. Do I just give up whenever I don't feel like working? Paying my bills? Doing laundry? No. I do it anyway because these things are essential. Working out and being healthy has become essential to me.

Ok, /end pep talk to self. :)

I do have to share something that I think you guys might understand. Over the past 2 days I've seen 5 people that really haven't seen me much since February. They all were astonished by how much weight I've lost. I mean, they continued to talk about it. The first compliment or two are awesome and they are motivating! However, when they continue to talk about how great I look and how hard I must have worked...it's giving me a complex that I must have been as large as a cow or possibly a house. Was I hideous then? Was I repulsive? I do like the compliments that come with my new body, but sometimes my head turns it into a negative. Maybe I'm just programmed that way, I don't know. Just been thinking about that. :)

Anyhoodoodle...

I hope you have all had wonderful weeks and I hope that all of you with weekends have happy ones!

Idle Time is a Fat Girl's Buffett

Wow, I have been avoiding this place. It's so much easier to write and be active here when I'm doing well. When I'm eating OP. When I'm exercising daily. When I'm proud of myself....not so easy when I'm up 4lbs from my lowest weight on this journey, having a hard time finding motivation to work out as much as I was before and mindlessly snacking all evening long.

The truth is, those are the times I should be here. Writing about why I feel this way. Why I feel out of control. This summer work has been especially stressful. It's not an excuse, but it's a factor. Then, I've had idle time in the evenings after work and you know what happens when a fat chick has idle time, right? Well, they don't do jumping jacks.

Today is the day I regain control (again). I am committing to #TEP on Twitter. I'll be there under TonynesFood if anyone is bored enough to follow my daily eating habits.

I will be accountable.

Surf & Turf Burger

I had a Surf & Turf burger at Applebee's and it was all I could think about for weeks! So, so rich and delicious! I figured I could make something that could cure the craving but me much healthier. This is what I came up with!


Healthified Surf & Turf Burger

Burger

* 12oz lean ground turkey
* 1 egg white
* 1 cup Oats
* 3 tbsp (63g) A1 Steak Sauce
* 2 tbsp yellow mustard
* 2 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
* Garlic & Onion Power, Salt and Pepper to taste.

Combine all ingredients and form into 5 patties about 4 ounces each. The mixture will be moist.

Cook on a preheated grill on medium-high for about 5 minutes a side.

Shrimp Topping (enough for 2-3 Burgers)

*1 cup chopped shrimp uncooked
*1/4 of a small onion finely chopped
*1 wedge of Laughing Cow Light Original Cheese
*1 Tbsp Parmesan Cheese
*1 Tbsp Brummel and Brown Butter
*2 Tbsp Skim Milk
*1 tsp each of Salt, Black Pepper, Italian Seasning and Garlic (to taste more or less)

Saute onion on a small skillet, once translucent add shrimp and cook until pink, set aside.

In a small sauce pan melt the butter and then add Parmesan & Laughing Cow Cheese, then the milk and then seasoning. Keep stirring until mixture melts completely, remove from heat and add shrimp and onion mixture and stir until coated. Remove from pot immediately.

Place burger on bottom side of whole wheat bun, top with 1/3-1/2 of shrimp topping and bun.

Burger recipe motified from: Grilled Honey Mustard Turkey Oat Burgers at GreenLiteBites.

Temptation or Sabotage?

So, I work for a vacation rental company. I am insanely busy this time of year and my stress level is so bad on most days that I look like one of those stress ball things.



Well, I'm an emotional eater. When stressed, angry, happy, sad, depressed, excited, nervous...you get the picture, I eat. My office is already a minefield of failure because we keep cookies and treats stocked and at the ready for house keepers and vendors to munch on. I have gotten to keep my nasty habit picked up last summer of hourly trips to the cookie jar under control by bringing plenty of healthy snacks on the days that I am most stressed, but this morning, well, that's a different story completely.

I get to work this morning knowing it's going to be a rough day. The office is closed on Sunday so vacationers find out every little problem with their homes on Sunday and call in first thing Monday morning. To top it off, this Monday morning was cloudy and threatening storms, so this increased the number of people actually inside their houses finding problems vs. the normal amount when 1/2 of all vacationers are out on the beach. My point? I'm stressed before I even arrive at the office. I started the morning off with Oatmeal, topped with a whole peach and some honey. I knew this would be filling and keep my tummy from growling until lunch.

I walk into my office, being trailed by maintenance guys with questions and invoices for me to submit to find this:



A batch of homemade chocolate and butterscotch chip cookies from one of the homeowners. A homeowner who knows that I can't eat that kind of thing regularly. A homeowner that knows how much I've struggled with my weight. A homeowner that has watched me drop 40+lbs. A homeowner I have thanked nicely but also told to please not bring me stuff like this. I know he's just trying to be nice, but man...that is like a kick in the shin.

I don't think many people understand how addictive food can be. I have an addiction. I compare it often for my husband who has the opposite problem of not being able to gain weight, to alcoholism. I think about food most of the time. I also try to avoid "triggers" that will cause me to binge eat or make unhealthy food choices. I'm on my way to recovery. That is how it feels. I am creating a healthy relationship with food after 20+ years of having an unhealthy one.

The good news, and to sum up this rather long post is to let you know that I removed the temptation from my line of sight. I gave it to my maintenance guys that work for me and they are quickly disappearing. You have to do this sometimes. Yes, it's awesome when you can stand next to a buffet table and eat carrots, but sometimes you will have to walk away. This is recovery after all and today, I'm proud of myself.

Being Accountable

So, I've been absent lately. I wanted to make this blog something great. Something to inspire myself and others. That's easy to do when I'm completely on point with my new healthy lifestyle, it's not so easy to do when I'm not. I recently made myself some promises and I recommitted to my new lifestyle. A 7 month renewal.

I can see the road I'm going down. I've been smoking again. I used to have one or two when I drank, now I'm drinking so I can smoke. I quit...in February! I used to measure everything, now I "eyeball" which usually means doubling my serving sizes. I use the "oh, I ate a cookie...today is shot, I'll eat whatever I want" excuse way too often.

NO MORE! I see myself going back down the same old road. I get comfortable with my weight, I gain confidence again, so I indulge more. I should know better.

I am making myself rules right now:

1. I will start measuring my food again.

2. I will not eat after 8pm.

3. I will not smoke anymore. At all. Period.

4. I will cut back on the amount of alcohol I drink.

5. I will refocus and stay focused. This is a lifestyle change, not a one time thing. Damn it. I know this. Remember THIS.

I am visualizing a road block in my head.



You can not go this way. Not this time. Never again.