Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Hello? The Old Me? We need to have a chat.

Dear The Old Me,

Hi! It's been so much fun having you visit sporadically these past few weeks. I have enjoyed our binge eating of low fat foods and our "well, I've already blown today, let's eat what we want anyway" nights, but you have overstayed your welcome just a little bit. While I feel that I can manage the poor eating and keep that in check while you're around the real problem I have is the way you force me to stay in bed in the mornings when I need to be at the gym. I like that time and frankly you laying on top of me like a child saying "five more minutes, just five more minutes" of sleep is really disappointing and you weight a lot more than me, so it's hard to push you off.

I'm glad that you love the taste of my new lower fat ice cream and sweet treats. However these are supposed to be enjoyed in moderation. Just because I make a tray of No Pudge brownies does not mean that you must eat 3 or 4 of them at a time. 1 will suffice and you know if you push me hard enough I will eat 3 or 4. That's not nice. Stop that!

Work is difficult, yes, I know. This does not give me the right to eat an endless amount of cookies no matter how hard you try and convince me it does. I know recently I have given into you on this, but I'm here to tell you, I don't want it to happen again.

We like beer...we like beer a lot. That doesn't mean we have to drink 7 or 8 of them every single time we go out. You are a pusher and you always have been. The other night, you weren't around, I only had 4 beers and I had a great time! Put that in your pipe and smoke that! And speaking of smoking, I quit, remember? I did so well. Drinking is not an excuse to smoke because that merely leads to me drinking so that I can smoke, which leads to no good at all. Remember? We've covered all this before?! When will you get it through your thick skull?

Anyway, thanks for visiting and that 1/2lb bag of gummie bears yesterday was fun...but pack up your 43lbs and get out. Don't let the door hit ya, where the good Lord split ya! (That would be your giant ass, by the case you didn't know...)

The new, improved, 43lbs lighter Me.


Losinmythighs on August 14, 2009 at 1:51 AM said...

Love it! I can totally relate!

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