Tuesday, June 8, 2010

A rough go of it.

I am having a rough time this week. Not really with bad choices, although my choices aren't great, they're not THAT bad...I'm having a rough time in my head. Here are some of the recurrent thoughts in my brain this week:

Do I really want to eat healthily for the rest of my life?

Will a non-serving size quantity of *insert sinful treat here* always haunt me until it's completely gone?

I don't feel like exercising anymore.

It's so hard to do this alone. It would be so nice to have someone who I share meals and work out with.

I'll never regain the endurance I lost this past month off from running.

I like how I look now, do I need to bother with getting smaller?

Why are you paying for WeightWatchers.com, you aren't even tracking your food?

I am getting soft again, why bother working out, if I don't constantly monitor everything, I just gain weight. I'm too tired to deal with it.

Work is stressful, all of this can wait until the Fall when things calm down.

My knee is still hurting. I'm supposed to start my 1/2 marathon training this month. What if I can't do the 1/2 marathon?

I can't go to the doctor because I don't have insurance. What if I can never run again?

Needless to say, my mind has been...dark. I feel like I'm sprialling out of control into a downward vortex. This time it's not about bad choices. It's just about being tired and not caring anymore.

I didn't want to write this. You guys are an amazing source of support for me, and I know I'm not alone...but it sure does feel like it some times. Especially in my day to day life.

I am trying to get through this. I really am. Writing it out sounds pathetic, but it is nice to get it out of my head. If you add all of this, to the regular day to day stress of work and the husband's always changing health and problems...I'm just tired. Really, really tired.

I need a magic fitness fairy to come along, pick me up and take me for a walk or to the gym or for a swim. Or maybe just shake me until I come back to my senses.

Anyway, that's it. That's where I am. I don't like it here. I can't afford to drop anchor here. But I am having trouble mapping a safe exit route.

How do you get yourself out of a funk? This feels a little deeper than normal and with my past yo-yo'ing weight, this makes me nervous. Any help or advice would be so welcome.


Syl on June 8, 2010 at 1:04 PM said...

I find running clears my head when I get into a funk. It's perfectly normal to feel like this, you are going through a lot and maybe it's just time to take a few days off and just focus on you and nothing else? Sometimes the little break makes us stronger.
Do nice things for yourself, read a book, enjoy a glass of wine, take a bubble bath, have a massage, something about you.
I hope you are feeling better soon and this is short lived.

TJ on June 8, 2010 at 3:59 PM said...

I think both Sly & Tish have great ideas- I say hang on. I know it's not easy but you are worth it! How we feel is most important and when we are feeling down it is OK to let it out and have our blogger buddies pick us up. :)

I struggle too- you are not alone. I think without the blogging community I would have caved a long time ago! lol I like my weight watchers meeting but besides that I have no one to lean on.

Keep your chin up my friend! I hope your knee gets better soon!!!


Marisa (Loser for Life) on June 8, 2010 at 7:02 PM said...

I can relate to how you are feeling. Sometimes I feel alone in this journey because it is such a constant, daily battle. I think you may be going through a funk. We all do at times on this weight loss ride. Stay with it. Just try every day to make one good choice. Look at your old picture at the top of your page. You are not that girl anymore. You have come too far. And you will keep on keepin' on!!!! I'm here for you if you need to vent! Feel free to email me :)

travelling venus on June 10, 2010 at 2:26 PM said...

I go through those periods every once in a while, especially when the stress starts to pile on. It can be hard to get out of the funk, but the very last time I fell into the funk I remembered what happened the last time I let the funk take control of me. I gained almost everything I had lost up to that point (which was a waste of several months worth of hard work) and felt even worse that I did when the funk began. That alone motivated me to not let it get as bad. I also like going for drives to clear my head and listening to pick me up music. I agree with what Marisa said about looking at your old picture at the top of your page. I think that it is good that you acknowledge how you're feeling. It is good to let it all out. You've come so far. You can do it!

Jenn@slim-shoppin on June 11, 2010 at 2:04 PM said...

I think for someone who has had troubles with weight at any point in their life is always going to second guess if they can keep it up. I know that you can do it and get back on track!

If you are paying for WW online, why not look up a new recipe, or input a new recipe or visit the message boards?

For me, it always comes down to writing down why I want to lose weight (or for you, why you want to keep it off) and maybe make a list of all the things you can do now that you couldn't when you were at your heaviest and see how far you've come!

Take care!!

Marisa (Loser for Life) on June 12, 2010 at 8:24 AM said...

Just checkin in on you! Hope your week is getting better :)

Tish on June 12, 2010 at 11:49 AM said...

Check out my latest post, Tonyne. I gave you something . . . .!

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