Temptation or Sabotage?

So, I work for a vacation rental company. I am insanely busy this time of year and my stress level is so bad on most days that I look like one of those stress ball things.



Well, I'm an emotional eater. When stressed, angry, happy, sad, depressed, excited, nervous...you get the picture, I eat. My office is already a minefield of failure because we keep cookies and treats stocked and at the ready for house keepers and vendors to munch on. I have gotten to keep my nasty habit picked up last summer of hourly trips to the cookie jar under control by bringing plenty of healthy snacks on the days that I am most stressed, but this morning, well, that's a different story completely.

I get to work this morning knowing it's going to be a rough day. The office is closed on Sunday so vacationers find out every little problem with their homes on Sunday and call in first thing Monday morning. To top it off, this Monday morning was cloudy and threatening storms, so this increased the number of people actually inside their houses finding problems vs. the normal amount when 1/2 of all vacationers are out on the beach. My point? I'm stressed before I even arrive at the office. I started the morning off with Oatmeal, topped with a whole peach and some honey. I knew this would be filling and keep my tummy from growling until lunch.

I walk into my office, being trailed by maintenance guys with questions and invoices for me to submit to find this:



A batch of homemade chocolate and butterscotch chip cookies from one of the homeowners. A homeowner who knows that I can't eat that kind of thing regularly. A homeowner that knows how much I've struggled with my weight. A homeowner that has watched me drop 40+lbs. A homeowner I have thanked nicely but also told to please not bring me stuff like this. I know he's just trying to be nice, but man...that is like a kick in the shin.

I don't think many people understand how addictive food can be. I have an addiction. I compare it often for my husband who has the opposite problem of not being able to gain weight, to alcoholism. I think about food most of the time. I also try to avoid "triggers" that will cause me to binge eat or make unhealthy food choices. I'm on my way to recovery. That is how it feels. I am creating a healthy relationship with food after 20+ years of having an unhealthy one.

The good news, and to sum up this rather long post is to let you know that I removed the temptation from my line of sight. I gave it to my maintenance guys that work for me and they are quickly disappearing. You have to do this sometimes. Yes, it's awesome when you can stand next to a buffet table and eat carrots, but sometimes you will have to walk away. This is recovery after all and today, I'm proud of myself.